Or Maybe We Could Just Listen To The Radio

Scene: Sitting in traffic on way home from work last night.

Beau: How’s the jaw?

Dangerous K: It still hurts. Bologna thinks it’s because Grasshoppah has TMJ and my hypochondria demons like the sound of it. Like that time I thought I was having a brain aneurism but it was really just a hangover. But this is real. It still hurts to open my mouth and chew and talk at length…

Beau: Maybe you caught it from Grasshoppah.

Dangerous K: … so I tried to get an appointment with the dentist who took out my wisdom teeth. You remember him? The guy that yelled at me for making him knock me out for the operation?

Beau: I think you caught The TMJ from her.

Dangerous K: It’s not contagious, baby. So I’m like, “I’m in pain! Food won’t go in my mouth” and the receptionist is all, “The next available appointment is September 3.” September 3?! Are you fucking serious? Whatev. I didn’t like him anyway.

Beau: Now I’m going to catch it.

Dangerous K: It’s not an STD, honey. So instead I self-diagnosed on the Interweb and WedMD says it will most likely go away in a few weeks on its own. But maybe I shouldn’t be taking so much Advil when I drink.

Beau: (falsetto) I have The TMJ. (deeper voice) But I don’t.

Dangerous K: WebMD said to sleep on my back and maybe that would help but I really prefer to sleep on my tummy.

Beau: (clearly pleased with himself) Valtrex does not prevent you from giving your partner The TMJ.

Dangerous K: Sweety, it’s not a communicable disease. The website also said I should not eat corn on the cob while the pain is still bad and I should try an icepack. Do we have any ice packs at home?

Beau: You shouldn’t be intimate with your partner when you’re experiencing an outbreak of The TMJ.

Dangerous K: (Sighs. Gives up. Tenderly rests hand on Beau’s arm) It’s OK. We’ll use protection.