Boudoir

Before

After
Pre

Post

Formerly

Currently

Sneak Peak

Oh yes. I painted the master bedroom a particularly vibrant shade of "are you fucking crazy?" blue.

And now I'm wondering where to find a good online tutorial for my Nikon S710 because it's a wonderful little camera and I'm not doing it justice with my lack of photography skills. Also, I would like to avoid having to crop my pictures so close to hide the shame of an obvious flash on window pane glass.

The Grand Tour: First Floor

We’re preparing to overhaul the condo which we got for a steal thanks to the lack of updates made since it was built 25 years ago. And, of course, thanks to the economy being in the crapper (thanks economy!) Before beginning work, I snapped a few pictures to compare with the end results:

Here’s our eat-in-kitchen which features glamorous linoleum floors and a light fixture from the early 1980s Italian-American era of etched glass and shame. Note the Miami Vice pink walls. They are a running theme. In the entire house.

This part of the kitchen won’t be tackled until next year when our free money shows up. Until then, I will accept the overarching beige-ness and continue feeling like Buffalo Bill is my interior decorator.

Besides the couch and Beau who’s preparing to hang curtains over our sliding glass door, the living room is still predominantly empty. What seemed like an excessive amount of furniture in our tiny apartment barely fills the room here. I think the area behind the couch will eventually house a line of bookshelves reminiscent of the library in my childhood home. Also, possibly a liquor cabinet.

Here we have my very own fireplace in which I will burn wood, confidential papers, and any dissenters who think I should switch to a gas-burning fireplace. I’m proud of my little magazine-inspired display though Beau is skeptical. Yes, the long sign on the left says “Help Wanted. No Irish Need Apply.” I bought it after dumping the Evil Irish Bartender and I refuse to get rid of it just because I’m engaged to yet another mick. Anyone who objects will be thrown on the fire with the potatoes.

And lastly, a teaser shot of my staircase leading to the second floor which is too messy to conscionably photograph and post on the Internet. I have some standards. Those standards involve not taking pictures of my unmade bed.

Until then, look closely at the photos above. In one of them, I might be stark naked leaning against a flesh colored wall. That should keep you busy until I get around to making my bed.

FYI: The Liquor Boxes Are Labeled “Anal Depilatory Cream”

We’ve been busy little beavers this week unlike this guy:

Good Example FAIL

There’s been some serious packing going on at Chez Dangerous K. Mama Beau thieved packing materials from the hospital where she works. That means some of my moving boxes have big ominous labels that read “Surgical Underpads” which may lead the casual onlooker to assume I have an incontinence problem of epic proportion but on the bright side, it also means I felt secure leaving those boxes in the back of my car yesterday while parked in front of my office where there’s been a rash of recent break ins. Office BFF suggested that I label the unmarked boxes with equally terrifying words. Like “tampons.”

In addition to boxes that once contained phenomenally gross materials, she also provided us with blue cushiony wrapping that she swears is used solely for packaging sterilized equipment and not putting under dead bodies. It smells of band aids nonetheless. Big six foot square band aids. That’s what’s wrapped around the contents of my precious liquor cabinet … which may have exceeded two large boxes … with some straggler bottles that I insist on finishing before we move next Saturday. What?! I refuse to move five bottles of two fingers of scotch each. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to the scotch.

Last night we brought the first shipment of things-nobody-wanted-to-steal-from-my-car over to the condo and had our very first camp out – complete with a picnic on the charmingly 80s linoleum floor, discovery of a leaky showerhead, and removal of marbleized contact paper which was stuck to every shelf in the kitchen (to complete the Miami Vice ambience, I assume).

We’re off to the Cape tonight for a viewing of She-ra’s wedding band and tomorrow, Cape Gods willing, the postponed yard sale. Next week I’ll be posting a ton of pictures (one craft project and several thousand new purchases).