Dangerous K 2.0

I’m a terrible, neglectful blogger but here are some valid excuses as to why:

1) I gave myself a make over. Now I think about what I wear in the morning instead of picking something up off the floor that smells mostly OK. I blame The Glamourai which I stumbled across earlier this month. I’ve even been blow drying my hair. For those who know me personally and think I look exactly the same as I did last month: I don’t care for you.

2) The make over involved spending all of my disposable income on what amounts to little more than 3 cardigans and a dress so I have no money and therefore, have been on a limited drinking schedule except this past Saturday when I may or may not have done shots of Soco while wearing a lobster bib. Pictures to surface on the interwebs soon.

3) We bought a condo! It’s a lovely 2 bedroom in the burbs with a fireplace, an open pet policy, a screen door that’s falling off its hinges and three bathrooms so I can say to myself, “Where will I poop today?” Best of all, it passed inspection on Saturday. That means we’re (meaning Beau) frantically trying to pull together our mortgage crap so we can get this thing locked and loaded because GOD HELP ME the newborn downstairs has a set of lungs on it. Theoretically, we will be moving in by July 1. Go ahead and laugh. That’s what I’m here for.

4) Speaking of newborns, I’m planning Bologna’s baby shower. Have I mentioned this before? I don’t have time to look through my archives to figure it out, so if I’m starting to sound like my father and am repeating the same story over and over, please just skip to #5. If not, then please tell me what you’re supposed to do at a baby shower because I have it on good authority that Jägerbombs (how does spell check not know that word?) and strippers are not involved.

5) We’re leaving on a cruise on Sunday. Yep. Whoops. Skipping town again and forgot to tell anyone. This time next week I’ll be island hopping around the Caribbean praying that I don’t bump into the CEO who will conveniently be there for his honeymoon. Rumor has it he once congratulated Office BFF for double fisting a beer and a scorpion bowl, but I think I would rather play it safe on this one.

6) Gosh, I’m sure there’s something else. Ummm. Hmm. Oh maybe it’s this:

I’m officially the future Mrs. Beau and Beau is the future Husbeau! He proposed on Monday night and as of 3:00 today I have planned 95% of the wedding. In my head. So all we have to do is …everything else. I’m going to begin by getting back on the iceberg lettuce/vinegar diet with a side of exercise.

So, please forgive me for being sober, skinnier, busier, engaged, home-owning, and more stylish. Blog entries may be shorter from now on (except for this obvious contradiction …. and possible future ones… I have trouble shutting up once I get started so I make no promises) but other than that I’ll try not to let it interfere with my rapier sharp wit. I’ll be back in June after the cruise!