Speaking of Which, Has Anyone Had A Positive Experience With OxiClean?

There have been recent developments in the ever continuing saga of When-The-Fuck-Did-I-Gain-1/3-of-a-Person, namely me once again attempting to lose the extra 1/3. Did you like how last time I just kind of quietly let it peter out without drawing attention to it? I was all “Hey, look over there! A unicorn!” and you didn’t even notice I was busy eating all the peanut butter.

Now I have a plethora of motivators pushing me towards actual commitment (2 weddings this year, 6-mile charity walk in April that I would prefer to finish without using my inhaler, my own stinginess preventing me from buying new clothes, bathing suit season… shudder). I’ve already massively overhauled my eating habits and curbed my drinking. Thanks to those changes, I’ve dropped almost 10 pounds since the start of the year but my weight loss has tapered off and I’ve been getting frustrated. Jen Lancaster’s latest book, Such a Pretty Fat, reminded me that laying around whining about my weight (albeit while eating carrot sticks instead of cake) is probably less effective than just getting up and moving around.

Much to Beau’s amusement, I’ve began doing aerobics after work using some of the On-Demand Exercise TV videos. I find the biggest problem is not the actual exercise itself, but getting started. When I get home from work, a glass of wine and a log of cheese look much more appealing than this:

As such, I could really use is an automated email reminder sent to me 15 minutes before I leave for home suggesting that I work out. I scouted out a few available options, but was only able to find your standard weekly newsletters with such painfully cheerful ideas as “Crunches are super fun when you use an exercise ball!” That is not helpful. That just makes me want to give dirty looks at the skinny girls in my office and drown my sorrows in mozzarella sticks.

I need something a little less subtle. Maybe something like, “If you don’t go home and exercise, you will have to shop in the fat chick store for the rest of your life” or, “Work out so you won’t eventually need firemen to knock down a wall of your house in order to get you out because you don’t fit through the doorway anymore.” Or even just a picture of Jaba the Hut with BBQ sauce down the front of his favorite JCrew hoody. Not that I would completely relate to that or anything.