I have a profound interest in all things zombie. Zombie culture, zombie repellent, zombie attack contingency plans. Unlike my dinosaur enthusiasm which stems mostly from a desire to see carnivorous reptiles eat members of my own species, my affinity for this particular genre of monster leads deep into the inner psyche of Dangerous K - the portion that truly believes that an outbreak of zombism is the most frightening thing that could happen to our planet.
As such, I took time out of my busy Christmas Eve schedule of eating things and puttering around in my new slippers to rent 28 Weeks Later, the sequel to one of my favorite zombie movies, 28 Days Later. Now, imagine my dismay when Part 2 of the 28 Units Later series failed to live up to the hopeful expectations set by the first.
***SPOILER WARNING: Do not continue reading if you have not yet seen 28 Weeks Later and still plan on it despite my urging otherwise***
The opening scene introduces us to Don (Robert Carlyle of Trainspotting fame) and Alice, a British couple who are holed up in a charming English cottage with strangers. Naturally, zombies break in about 4 minutes into the movie and corner them in an upstairs bedroom where Don abandons Alice to her fate of being eaten alive by mutants while he escapes via speed boat. So, now the audience knows that Don is the main character and that we also really dislike him. A promising beginning.
Flash forward to a burrough of London (post-outbreak of zombism) which has been secured by American military forces and cleared of such pesky problems as zombies, zombie virus, and corpses. Enter implausible plot hole #1: we're to believe that less than a year after the incident, the Americans are reintroducing humans into the environment. I find it difficult to accept this course of action for a number of reasons but mainly because America would not pass up this stellar excuse to first nuke Britain like it's always wanted, thereby eradicating the virus and also this sequel.
In the repopulation efforts, Don's children, Andy and Tammy, return from a conveniently timed school trip to Spain where they were far from harm's way and come back to Don, the sole survivor of the attack on the charming English cottage. No mention of Don's speed boat.
After a brief and dramatically restrained scene in which Don lies through his teeth to the children about being unable to save Alice, the kiddies leave the compound against the warnings of the US military. They return to their childhood home where they collect personal possessions and photos of their mother. At this point, we are meant to wax poetic about the sentimental though ill-thought actions of Andy and Tammy. Instead, this is where my intense dislike of them began. Such actions are akin to the phrase "I'll be right back" in a slasher movie and I just can't sympathize with the stupid.
In said tenement, Andy discovers his mother hiding behind a couch, moderately loony but otherwise unharmed despite bearing human bite marks. Hello, Carrier. As always, the military busts in at the exact right time to rescue the protagonists. In addition, they take in Alice for further testing as her immunity may hold the key to a vaccine or cure against zombism.
The children are understandably TOed and begin with the accusatory "You said you watched her die" comments while Don makes shallow attempts at defending himself. Minutes later, we follow him through the medical unit (where he has inexplicable access to everything with a nifty swipey ID card though he seems to serve no authoritative purpose on the compound [aka plot hole #2]) and directly into Alice's room.
This rapidly progresses into plot hole #3 in which Don apologizes for leaving his wife to be torn limb from limb by the infected and she... forgives him? Seriously? No matter how you slice this one, you cannot expect a woman to forgive for such a grievous offense. At the very least, not this quickly. I've seen females freak out over forgotten anniversaries and moldy cheese. No way in hell this chick is going to forgive a man for abandoning her TO BE EATEN ALIVE BY ZOMBIES.
Anyway, in their brief bought of make-up tongue-kissing, Alice, the carrier, passes the virus onto Don, the douche bag, via saliva and the outbreak begins anew inside the confines of the medical unit. Don starts by attacking Alice who is strapped to a hospital gurney. Now, I take no issue with a zombie attacking a helpless human but I do have a problem with the method of assault which includes (plot hole #4) punching and eye-gouging NEITHER of which facilitate in the digestion of human flesh by Don The Zombie. There is an inherent simplicity in the zombie motivation for human brains and absolutely nothing else. Yet Don The Zombie makes a half-hearted attempt at being multi-dimensional by bludgeoning his wife to death (and also later a young female military official... with the butt of her own rifle) instead of eating her internal organs.
Blah blah blah, it spreads quickly, blah blah blah, the kids get separated, blah blah blah, the kids get airlifted out by a helicopter after several scary scenes of adversity.
Thankfully, the movie ended on a high note when the foreshadowing comes full circle and Andy, a carrier like his mother, leaves the quarantined island of England for the mainland of Europe. The final shot is of zombies running around under the Eiffel Tower which would give the US a chance to make up for previous indiscretions and nuke France.
Merry Christmas and don't waste $4 on 28 Weeks Later.
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